How to Stop Caring About What Other People Think
We spend much time thinking and worrying about others’ opinions. If you haven’t gone after a specific dream because you are afraid of what others might think, then you’re in the right place!
Have you ever made an excuse such as, “My parents won’t approve,” or, “I might embarrass myself,” or, “I just don’t have the support?”
Absolutely, me too!
In the modern world of social media, this has become even worse. We allow the opinions of strangers to affect us negatively and get into our heads even if it’s just one comment about our physical appearance, our home, or our family.
How to stop caring about what other people think is a mindset shift so get comfortable, grab a cup of your favorite drink, and let’s change our thinking.
Why do we care so much about what others think?
It’s normal as humans to be curious and concerned about how other people view us.
Surprisingly, there are some good reasons why we care about other’s thoughts. We want to be accepted liked, and respected. We want to build good personal relationships with people.
This can help make us more aware of others, have compassion, become empathetic, and if we cause harm to them we can adjust our behavior and accommodate their needs.
On the other hand, people’s words and opinions can hurt us and make us lose our confidence. Having an intense fear of people and social rejection if you don’t act in a certain way can cause you to lose yourself.
We care so much about other people’s thoughts because of low self-confidence, and poor self-esteem and because we need others’ approval and validation. In the long run, we may end up growing bitter and resentful when we spend years making others happy instead of doing what brings us joy.
The danger of caring about the opinions of other people
There are negative effects of caring about what others think. You can end up avoiding socializing, experience stress and become depressed. This can harm your self-image and mental health in the long run. You become insecure and vulnerable to others’ thoughts.
When you care about the approval of people, you end up having negative feelings about yourself, losing confidence, losing joy, becoming anxious, not living up to your true self, and not trusting your own thoughts.
It can stop you from reaching your dreams and goals. You can even miss out on valuable opportunities and experiences because you’re worried about what people will think. This results in you failing to live the best version of your life!
“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.“
Lao Tzu
How do I know if I care too much about what other people think?
“If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet, you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled — have you no shame in that?”
– Epictetus
If you’re wondering whether you really care about what people think about you in a dangerous way that will negatively affect you there are some indicators to look out for.
If you’re a perfectionist, rarely say “no”, and don’t set or maintain boundaries it’s probably because you care too much about the opinion of others. You may struggle to express your own thoughts or ideas or make your own decisions.
Other ways to understand if you care too much about other’s opinions is if you change your behavior based on people’s criticism or if you spend a lot of time and effort to get the approval of people. You may also constantly apologize even when you didn’t do anything wrong.
If this is you, you have a long road of recovery ahead but the good news is it’s possible. By implementing a few strategies and making personal changes, you can know the exact steps to take so that you set yourself free from the fear of what others think.
How to Stop Caring About What Other People Think And Crush Your Goals
There’s a popular statement people make that “what others about you is none of your business.” There’s a ton of freedom mentally and emotionally when we stop caring about what other people think and learn to manage our own responses.
These are the steps you can take to enjoy your own life and not allow others’ opinions to take center stage in your mind.
Accept that people will always have an opinion
Each person has different perspectives, their own opinions, and ideas about life and how things should be. This doesn’t make them a bad person but simply human. Accept that.
The first step to care less what others think of you is to realize that people will always have an opinion about you. It might be good or bad. You can’t control what they think or say so don’t let their opinion worry you.
If you choose to follow your passions, someone, at least one person, no matter how amazing you are, will not like it. Success demands criticism.
Most successful people who are the center of attention know that they will have critics and the only thing that makes them different is they’ve figured out how to develop a thick skin.
Do you know what Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, and Martin Luther King, Jr., all have in common? They all fought passionately for a cause, and each of them paved the way for change.
I have a challenge for you. Try Googling, “Nelson Mandela good,” “Mother Theresa good,” or “Martin Luther King, Jr., good.” What do you think you’ll find? Millions of articles about their successes, how they impacted the world, and what change makers they were.
Now, I want you to try Googling, “Nelson Mandela bad,” “Mother Theresa bad,” and “Martin Luther King, Jr., bad.” Guess what you’ll find there? Thousands of articles about why they are terrible human beings and should have never been followed. You’ll find hate mail and negativity all over the place.
Does the negative that you find change who they are and what they did for the world? No! It’s just negative people having negative thoughts and ideas and trying to find the worst in everyone else.
This little experiment also proves why trusting Google may not always be your best choice! Most of it is just people’s opinions and ideas.
Know who you are
Take time to do some self-reflection. On a piece of paper, write who you are, your vision, your own values, what’s important to you, what you enjoy, and the legacy you want to leave when you’re gone. Set a strong foundation for how you want to live your life.
Knowing who you are and what you value moves you from focusing on the opinions of outside sources and rather to focusing more on pursuing what you know you were meant to do. Finding your authentic self and living it daily is a freeing feeling. It’s exhilarating, really.
“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others, and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.”
Osho, philosopher
Accept yourself for who you are
We have to develop a love for ourselves and become happy with whom God created us to be. You are unique and have your own capabilities, traits, and strengths.
Remind yourself that you are good enough because you are. God can use you just the way you are. Believe in yourself and in the God who created you!
When we take the time to reflect on just how much God loves us and that He created each of us uniquely and in His own image, we can begin to love who we are in Christ.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well”
Psalm 139:14 ESV
Remember you’re not perfect and don’t focus too much on your weaknesses and mistakes. Use them as learning experiences to help you grow.
Some people won’t like you and that’s okay
As you become your authentic self, others still won’t like you. Doing the right thing invites other’s opinions into your life yet it’s still important to make the right choices.
Jesus, the Son of God was crucified. Why? Because religious leaders of the day didn’t like him. William Tyndale wanted the Bible to be read by common folks so he began translating it into English. This was met with insane opposition, and he was martyred on October 6, 1536.
Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery and forced our country to remain as one. A people divided, a country split in two, and he had to make the decisions that affected the lives of those living and all the Americans that would follow.
We need to listen to our hearts, pursue what God is impressing upon us, and forge ahead with making a positive impact. Overcoming fear is important to walking in faith including the fear of people and what they think.
Stop playing the comparison game
We need to stop comparing our worst with everyone else’s best. Even on social media feeds, remember that all you usually have access to is the surface level and what others reveal about themselves.
You don’t get a close look at the inner workings of anybody else. You don’t know what is going on in their lives when no one is looking. All you see is what they allow you to see, whereas you get to see all of you all the time: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Comparison is a killer to achieving your dreams and goals. The more you focus on yourself and what’s important to you, the happier you’ll be in life.
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Steve Furtick
Surround yourself with positive people
Whether it’s family members, a close friend, or colleagues, some people just carry a negative energy and hardly have good things to say about others. Being around toxic people with negative influences can drain you.
The best way to deal with such people is to set boundaries and have the courage to distance yourself from them. Rather, surround yourself with people who inspire, nurture, and support you.
Remember that you answer only to God
“Does it make any difference to you if other people blame you for doing what’s right? It makes no difference.”
Marcus Aurelius
Sometimes we forget that God is our judge, not the people around us. The worst thing you can do as a Christian is to seek approval and validation at the expense of God’s acceptance.
If we are doing what is right and following God’s leading, then it doesn’t matter what other people think. We answer only to God so don’t allow people’s thoughts to take center stage in your mind and life.
“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.”
Romans 14:12 NIV
“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”
2 Corinthians 5:10 NIV
Stop Thinking About What Others Are Thinking
“We suffer more often in imagination than reality”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Let’s be honest here, others really don’t care as much as we think they do. I don’t mean this to sound cynical, but most of us are pretty focused on ourselves and care less about what’s going on in other people’s lives. Am I right?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left a conversation with someone and mulled over and over in my head what I said, wondering what they thought of it. “Should I have said things differently? Did I say too much? What do they think of me now?”
And I toss and turn at night continuing the conversation in my own head, worried that they will see me differently, maybe see me in a bad light.
I lose sleep and peace when I do this. And, guess what? At the end of the day, the other person probably has already put our conversation out of her own mind because she’s dealing with life that’s in front of her. She didn’t lose sleep or peace over it.
If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that worrying about what other people think is super stressful and not helpful at all. So, remember this next time you’re tempted to guess what people are thinking.
Develop a healthy self-esteem
The real issue with some of us is we have feelings of inadequacy that have resulted in negative emotions building up over the years.
This low self-esteem may have been caused by childhood trauma, negative experiences in the past, or someone saying unkind and harmful words to you when you were young or in your teenage years. There is power in words.
This leads to self-doubt, not feeling good about yourself, and lowers your confidence. You can’t crush your goals when your self-esteem is low.
Taking steps to affirm yourself with God’s word, challenge negative thoughts, celebrate your achievements, think positively, and be kind to yourself will help you become confident which will boost your self-esteem.
As you do this, you will care less and less about other peoples’ opinions. If you’ve tried to make progress on your own but still find yourself struggling in everyday life with seeking approval of people and having negative emotions and feelings, seek professional help.
A life coach can offer guidance, support, and techniques to identify your personal values and personal goals, build your confidence, become a better person, and chart your own path in life that brings you joy and fulfillment.
Change your perception of Criticism
Criticism can be a powerful tool. It’s important to recognize that it’s feedback given and sometimes you don’t need to take it too personally.
Constructive criticism is positive feedback given to build and develop a person while destructive criticism or negative feedback focuses on humiliating or shaming someone. Be aware of your own feelings as you receive feedback.
A great way to change your perception of criticism is to listen carefully to the feedback and make sure you understand it, ask questions if you can, and be open-minded.
Focus on the areas you need to improve on and use what is said as an opportunity to grow. You may find that you look at things from a different point of view as the person giving it may have your best interests at heart.
It’s the little things in life that hold you back from reaching your goals and dreams. It could be caring too much about what people think of you. It can cause you to become stressed, and unhappy and affect your mental health.
You are your own person and you shouldn’t be out to impress anyone, this is your life so concentrate on what’s important to you.
Learning How to Stop Caring About What Other People Think takes time but with intentionality it can be done. You’ll find you become free to be your true self and live a more fulfilled life as you focus on being uniquely you.
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