How you can avoid the all-or-nothing thinking trap
Go big or go home… you need to be all in… focus, focus, focus. What if it didn’t have to be that way? What if it didn’t have to be all in or nothing? What if you could fit your goals into your life without sacrificing other important things to achieve them?
I’m here to tell you that the all-in mentality otherwise known as all-or-nothing can actually prevent you from hitting your goals – it may seem counterintuitive at first, but it’s actually rooted in several psychological and practical factors.
This is How you can avoid the all-or-nothing thinking trap and develop a more balanced mindset that allows you to achieve your dreams without being overwhelmed and exhausted.
There are definitely seasons of hustle, but that’s all it should be a season. If it’s longer than that, then it will lead to burnout and unfulfillment, and you’ll start regretting your goals or seeing them as the enemy.
As you listen to God, He’ll guide you in each season so you can still find joy on the journey to your dreams.
Cognitive Distortions
Before we dive into the all-in mentality let’s take a step back into the background of how it comes about. The all-or-nothing mentality is one of the most common thinking traps or what is termed cognitive distortions.
Cognitive distortions are the ways our minds convince us of things that are not true. Another term for them is “twisted thinking” or “thinking traps.” It’s the thoughts or beliefs that give you a biased perception of reality. These inaccurate thoughts are easy to fall into and affect your actions.
They reinforce negative thinking patterns as they sound rational and truthful, but they trigger negative feelings. It’s not the event itself that’s negative but your response to the event which becomes a mind trap.
Examples include labeling, emotional reasoning, and the all-or-nothing mindset.
Labeling occurs when you generalize and attach a negative label on yourself. Instead of acknowledging that something that happened was a single negative event, mistake, or failure, you label yourself with that. This can lead to low self-esteem.
For example, you tell yourself “I’m a failure” instead of just saying “I failed the job interview.”
Emotional reasoning is when we automatically take our emotions as facts. It can become a vicious and negative cycle that has a negative impact on you.
For example, you may think “I feel useless which must mean I’m useless.”
The last example of a mindset trap is the all-or-nothing mindset which we’ll discuss further below. This is when you see everything in black and white.
For example, you might say “I missed my workout this morning. I struggle with being healthy. I might as well give up on my exercise goals.”
This is a negative way of thinking where you expect perfectionism and you don’t see that there are shades of grey in between.
To overcome these cognitive distortions, you need to identify them, acknowledge them, take a step back then reject them or prove them wrong.
When you overcome negative thinking continuously, you need to replace it with more rational and true thinking. It’s important to choose to do or say something different and better to counter the negative belief.
What’s the trap of the all-in mentality
We’ve all heard it before, right? “Go big or go home.” It’s that message that tells us if we’re not giving 100%, we might as well not try. Sounds motivating, but here’s the truth: that mentality can trap us.
The all-in mentality which is also referred to as all-or-nothing and black and white thinking is a way of thinking in extreme terms.
For example, “I’m either smart or stupid”, “I’m either skinny or fat” , “there’s either success or failure.”
This type of thinking gives a false perception that no other options exist.
High achievers may struggle with this type of thinking. There’s no middle ground and that pushes you to have high expectations of yourself and if you fall short you believe you’re a failure. This means the negative thoughts you have about yourself become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s a false narrative that sets us up for imbalance and burnout, especially as moms who are balancing so much already. They’re patterns of thought which prevent us from seeing things as they are.
I remember when I was training for the Boston Marathon, juggling motherhood, running a business, homeschooling my kiddos, and managing a household—it was a lot!
I thought I needed to give everything 100%, all the time. But you know what? That led to exhaustion, frustration, and honestly, resentment that became an obstacle to my goals.
In Ecclesiastes 3:1, we’re reminded that “there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
There are seasons where we can pour ourselves into our dreams, but there are also seasons for rest and connection. And that’s okay!
What are the Negative Effects of black-and-white thinking?
The all-in mentality leads to a fixed mindset where you stick to what you know, give up when you fail, take criticism personally, and believe your abilities are unchanging. This is very limiting.
This type of thinking prevents us from seeing the big picture and limits how we see opportunities. When you act on these automatic negative thoughts, it becomes evidence of the belief you had, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy that leaves you further discouraged.
It’s hard to maintain the all-or-nothing mindset trap and you end up putting pressure on yourself, exhausted and overwhelmed. If we don’t learn to manage them, they can spiral and play tricks on us leading us into a pattern of negative thinking.
These thinking traps make us jump to conclusions, negatively impact our mental health, make us think of a worst-case scenario in every situation, and prevent us from making the right choices in life.
“Things are not all black and white. There have to be compromises. The middle of the road is all of the unusable surface. The extremes, right and left, are in the gutters.”
– Dwight D. Eisenhower
How you can avoid the all-or-nothing thinking trap
We are told we have to go all in to achieve our goals – or do we? This kind of thinking can be detrimental to your health and well-being.
These are practical ways to understand How you can avoid the all-or-nothing thinking trap.
Balance Beats Burnout
Hustle culture tells us to keep going, and keep pushing—but let’s be real for a second. Can you really enjoy your success if you’re too exhausted to celebrate it?
I hit this point myself, and it wasn’t my goals that were the problem. It was how I was pursuing them.
It took some serious reflection to realize that I didn’t have to choose between my goals and my family—it was possible to balance both. It wasn’t “either-or,” but about creating boundaries that protected both.
Here’s a practical step for you: Create boundaries around your work and your goals. Maybe it’s setting a “work window” or integrating family activities into your daily routine.
For me, that looked like adjusting my schedule and asking for help when needed. Boundaries are what allow us to thrive in both areas.
Fit Your Goals into Your Life (Not the Other Way Around)
What if you didn’t have to choose between your goals and your family? What if, instead of trying to force your goals to fit into some impossible ideal, you found a way to fit them naturally into your life?
This is where we shift our style of thinking. When we prioritize fitting our goals into our lives, rather than trying to mold our lives around our goals, we reduce the pressure. One way to do this is by using small pockets of time wisely.
For example, when my kids are at practice or have downtime, I use those moments to work on my goals. You don’t need hours of focus each day to make progress. Little by little adds up too! God blesses our small, faithful steps. Remember, progress doesn’t require perfection.
Seasons of Hustle Should Be Just That—Seasons
Hustle culture is something I see all around us. You know what I mean—everywhere you look, there’s this message of “grind now, rest later.”
It’s almost like we wear busyness as a badge of honor (especially us women). But friend, I want to challenge that. Yes, there will be seasons of hustle, but they should be just that—*seasons*. They’re temporary, not a permanent lifestyle.
I want you to think about this: even Jesus, who had the most important mission on earth, took time to rest.
“Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
Mark 6:31 NIV
We don’t see Jesus telling His disciples to keep pushing and to keep going until they had nothing left. Rather, He invited them to rest.
You and I, we’re not meant to be in perpetual hustle mode. We’re not machines. God didn’t design us to be on 24/7. We need seasons of rest to recharge, refocus, and hear from Him.
Think about it—when you’re running on empty, how clearly can you hear God’s direction for your life?
I know I’ve been guilty of trying to turn a season of hustle into a lifestyle. I felt like if I wasn’t working hard every second, I wasn’t doing enough. I kept pushing myself to the limit, thinking that would bring me success.
But you know what happened instead? I burned out. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained, and I didn’t even have the energy to celebrate the progress I had made.
That’s why it’s so important to understand what season you’re in. There will be seasons where God calls you to work hard, to give it your all.
Maybe it’s when you’re launching a business, working toward a big milestone, or taking care of a particular family situation. But those seasons aren’t supposed to last forever.
One of the best things you can do is learn how to recognize when it’s time to pull back. It’s not a failure to rest—it’s necessary.
Just like when running a marathon, there are moments when you push and moments when you pace yourself.
Imagine trying to sprint the entire 26.2 miles—you’d burn out fast! Life is a lot like that. There are times for sprinting, but we can’t sprint the whole way. We need to walk sometimes, and we need to take breaks.
Take some time to reflect on where you are right now. Are you in a season where God is calling you to hustle, or is He calling you to rest? Maybe it’s a mix of both.
Maybe you’re trying to hustle but feeling that nudge to slow down. Don’t ignore it, friend. God often speaks to us in those moments, guiding us to step back and realign our priorities.
I’ve had seasons where I’ve hustled hard—training for marathons, building my business, and raising a family all at once. But I also know the seasons where I’ve had to pull back. A few years ago, after completing a big marathon, I felt this deep need to rest, but I resisted.
I thought resting meant I wasn’t doing enough. It took me some time, but I finally let myself slow down (actually I was forced to slow down because I broke my ankle running – OK God, I hear you!), and it was in that quiet season that I gained clarity on what God wanted me to focus on.
I heard His voice in ways I couldn’t when I was constantly moving. It’s amazing what God can reveal to you when you stop long enough to listen.
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or like you’re on the edge of burnout, maybe it’s time to take a step back.
Ask God in prayer to reveal to you what season you’re in. If it’s time to hustle, He’ll give you the strength to press on. But if it’s time to rest, He’ll give you peace in slowing down.
Take a moment this week to journal about the season you’re in. Is it a season for focus or a season for rest? What steps can you take to find balance? Whether you’re in a season of focus or a season of rest, both are necessary parts of the journey.
Accept Failure
Even if you have a small setback or disruption on the way to your goals, you can still come back stronger and better tomorrow. There are always valuable lessons to learn from failure. Never give up, even if it takes a long time to get to your dream.
Accept your strengths and weaknesses
Develop realistic expectations about people and situations. No one’s a complete failure or complete success. Accept that everyone including yourself has strengths and weaknesses.
Develop an accurate self-image that will motivate you and lead you to have positive beliefs about yourself and others.
Develop a Growth Mindset
Develop a different way of viewing the situation by having a growth mindset. Accept that you’re “becoming”, learning and enjoying the journey toward your dreams. You might not have all the resources or knowledge but just start working on your goals.
You may never feel ready, and you might not be perfect but as you take action, you’ll see significant changes that will help you crush your goals. Be willing to take on new challenges knowing that through hard work and dedication, you’ll achieve success.
Make small word substitutions
Making small word substitutions in your vocabulary can help you overcome this dichotomous thinking. There’s power in words so replace the words never and always with and or sometimes.
It’s not saying “either my goals or my family” but telling yourself “I can pursue my goals and be there for my family.”
When you do, your mindset shifts which impacts how you see yourself. This also leads you to allow yourself some grace.
Instead of saying “I’m always careful” or I’m always careless” replace that with “I’m careless sometimes.” This way you become creative and find solutions to the problem at hand.
Practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that proposes that our feelings and behavior are impacted by our thoughts.
If we change how we think, then we change our actions. Adopting new, helpful, and positive thoughts is a powerful way of overcoming the all-or-nothing thinking trap.
The black-or-white thinking or go big or go home pattern is a mentality that can trap us. Instead of motivating us, it leaves us with burnout, overwhelmed, and discouraged.
This way of thinking in extreme terms gives us a false perception that no other options exist. This is not true because most situations are in the middle. It stops us from seeing the bigger picture in a situation and even possible outcomes.
That’s why it’s important to know How you can avoid the all-or-nothing thinking trap so you can gain clarity on how to balance your goals with the rest of your life.
Key ways to overcome the all-in-mentality include striving for balance, fitting your goals into your life, having seasons of hustle, and developing a growth mindset.
You also need to accept failure and that people have strengths and weaknesses, make small word substitutions, and practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
As you adopt these strategies, you’ll learn to adapt goals to different life seasons and navigate challenges without sacrificing progress.
3 Pillars To Setting And Crushing Goals In A Stress-Less, No Hustle Way (free workshop)
Are you tired of quitting on yourself and your goals? Are you sick of the hustle culture and want a different strategy? My simple Red Hot Goals Formula will help you create a personalized game plan that works for your capacity in different seasons.
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